I was awestruck by this friend who appeared upon the center of the frozen pond behind me. Perhaps this frog landed and was dropped by the crows. Perhaps the crows are stocking the pond on purpose. What a wonderful gift to simply move him. Simple joys of caring for the land. Complex joys of sympathy and symbolism. The joys left me speechless, as they often do. Such is frequently the effect of beauty upon our lives.
I used to find myself with so many lovely things to say. Sharing more of my life and my ideas. Maybe I am just content to not make content. An odd bit of selfishness perhaps. All of me - for myself. Personally, I think the root of my creations were corrupted. I had something to prove to myself. Proving by effort that my life is interesting, that I have friends, that I have luxury and wisdom, and the best sense of all, of course. Bragging but not a braggart. Posturing to convince myself that life is worth living.
Recently, my life changed for the better in ways that I had planned for, but the biggest change in my mindset prior has been the inclusion of hope. Hope requires a horizon to walk towards, a vision. Ultimately, hope is a faith-based process, but faith in material conditions or other humans is not my strong suit - despair is a lady I know well.
Signs and symbols help to tell us what is always true, it is all always here for you. And in the love of the sign, in the search of the symbol, we can feel supported by the divine forces. This faith that you are supported is a blessing of hope. Trust that you are supported and that there is potential for you. It’s this consistent practice of trust that leads the way for hope.
I remember waking one day and having the feeling of not wanting to kill myself. I was greatly amused, but a little uneasy about the feeling fleeting. It was like clear skies after all this time. The storm of feeling sorry for myself halted. The truth is I was annoyed with myself for a long time. I'd catch myself thinking "ugh, kill me." A jest maybe, but definitely a prayer. It was a journey for me to even begin to see patterns like that in myself, to catch it and say no, to get annoyed enough of my own bullshit.
What does this darkness do for us? What's the point of it all? What if it's all nothing? And nothing is everything? Well, okay… but you’re here now. Alternatively, you can think on those topics and not be sad about it. Thoughts don't have to be these sticky, heavy bricks that you just lug around everywhere. You do not have to hold so tightly onto the downward spiral. Feel into the lightness. This life is yours to experience.
Once you realize that you are experiencing an experience and that might be the only real truth that there even is - life is yours. These experiences are happening to you and all around you, they are part of your life journey. Your epic tale is yours for the crafting. You can have this faith to believe that life is yours for the taking. It's a choice.
It takes serious courage to make the choice to believe in yourself - the courage to approach life with open arms. This courage can come from the abyss. At the intersection of where surrender morphs into trust and where despair and apathy become hope, there is a transformation that brings forth a boldness true to the authentic self. A fearlessness about going your own way is born.
Be yourself, live your life, I dare you.